Please, No Defecating on the Floor

I love public bathrooms. I know, gross, right? It’s not that I’m setting up camp to absorb the ambiance; I just love humanity's inclination to mark its territory. (Note: I’m speaking strictly about men’s rooms here—I can’t vouch for what happens across the hall.)

Nearly every stall is littered with graffiti, ranging from the typical "for a good time call..." to a dissertation on the collapse of the West via PewDiePie. It’s an agreed-upon method of communication that I have sadly missed out on.

But it raises the question: Why here? I don't want to break down the human psyche, but I am curious why the act of "releasing" makes us childishly open to marking up a vinyl wall. Yet, in a calm, even setting, we often can't find the words to communicate.

I guess I’m asking if we can find a middle ground. Can we bring a little of the bathroom’s honesty to the dinner table, or maybe some of the table’s manners to the stall? We can't keep living in these extremes—lamenting taxes over rack of lamb one minute, then carving "MIKE WAS HERE" above a urinal the next.

But given a sign I read recently, maybe not. It simply said: PLEASE, NO DEFECATING ON THE FLOOR.

I don’t know who had such high hopes when they typed that. Anyone taking a shit on the floor definitely doesn't know what "defecation" means.

Word Count: ~220 words

Approximate Read Time: 1 minute