Coffee with the Monster

John Koenig wrote a book in 2009 called The Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows. It started as a blog—a project dedicated to finding words for the feelings we can’t quite define.

One of those words is Monachopsis: the subtle but persistent feeling that you are out of place.

Before I found that word, I just thought I was weird. There’s a specific kind of relief that comes when a feeling becomes tangible; it makes you feel less wild for experiencing it. But giving the monster a name only gives it a face. And as the G.I. Joes used to say, “knowing is half the battle.”

So, what do you do once you’ve become aware? Typically, I just find a new sugary treat to binge while I wait for the emotion to pass.

Lately, however, I’ve wondered if giving the monster a face isn't enough. Maybe we should be inviting it out for coffee, too.

If you already feel out of place, a monster in the room doesn’t change much. Most of us can relate to the "Awareness Sabbatical"—that moment where we identify the problem, take a break to process it, and then simply never return.

The world is big and heavy. It feels selfish to take time for yourself when everything else is on fire. So, instead of engaging, we acknowledge and ignore. It’s a strategy that works great for the pile of dishes in the sink, but it’s a slow death for the person.

Now, here is the part where I give you the life-altering advice. The silver bullet. The singular Answer.

Scoot to the edge of your seat. Brace yourself. Take a deep breath.

The answer is: just keep coming back to figure it out.

I’m sorry if that’s a letdown, but the answer is the process. It’s sitting down and reminding yourself that the goal isn't to "fit into the world" or to become the exact opposite of the labels people have given you. It’s about understanding the pendulum swing of your own life and bracing yourself for the arc. It's embracing a slow, quiet change with a promise to yourself that it is your change.

Keep taking the monster out for coffee. Eventually, you'll realize it’s not there to haunt you—it’s just the person you’re traveling with.

Word Count: ~395 words

Approximate Read Time: 1 minute, 45 seconds